Why do I feel so blue?

Yesterday was my last day at work...well, we can't really call it a day because I had a dr's appointment that kept me from getting to the office until 10:30 so I just turned in my keys, did some hugging and slipped out the door.  I had already moved out of my office on Monday and was transitioning customers over to the temp help so really not much else left to do at that point.  I review the "Must Do" list with the gals to make sure audits were done, combos changed, ect then I was off.  They had treated me to a huge dinner the night before and started me a Pandora Bracelet with a kitty cat and a money bag....Too stinkin' cute!  I shed a few tears at the dinner but Friday was just fine. 

Mark and I spent the afternoon trying to figure out what to do with my car, gathering more electronic crap to move with us and finally ended the night in a free for all fight.  Why is it that we always lash out and hurt the one we love so much?  Is it because we know that they will love us in spite of what we said or what?  Anyway, it's just an emotional journey right now and in a few weeks when things have settled back down, we will have forgotten about the argument or at least he will.  If you asked him today if we'd ever had a fight in the 20 plus years that we've been together; he'd say no and mean it.  He tells people all the time that we've never fought and I ask him where the heck has he been living or hand me some of those good drugs buddy 'cause I remember some real dozzies! 

So back to the car thingies; mine is a lease that we're 1 1/2 into at this point and it just makes sense to turn it back in.  I mean why pay a car payment, taxes and insurance on a vehicle that we might use once every 6 months for a week.  It will cost us $2500 to turn it in but with a payment of $450, we'll recoup that it just a few months.  The problem is that I'll be without a vehicle for the last month that we live here.  No big deal, right?  I mean I can take Mark to work and keep the truck if I need it besides it will keep me focused on getting things in order before the move.  I have so much house stuff that I'd like to get done before we leave.  Nothing big just things like clean the windows, paint one of the garage doors to cover up where the air conditioner fiasco stained it 2 years ago, weed the flower beds really good, clean the kitchen cabinets inside and out, ect....my list keeps growing so being without a car will be a good thing.

We're going home to Arkansas next weekend then over to Germany for a 2 week trip so Mark can attend some meetings and I can hopefully find us somewhere to live.  I'm excited to go back over and look at housing because now we have a "move date".  The plan is we're going over the 2nd week in July but the really great news is that Mark now has an office so we can carry some stuff over and store it in his office until we make the move.  Yeah!  I was starting to feel overwhelmed with the whole 2 suitcases and 5 boxes maximum rule that he had laid out there....now I can see it happening if I get to take 5 boxes the first trip and 5 boxes the final trip.  I mean I have one whole box that is nothing but cross stitch supplies and I haven't even added my other crafty stuff yet.

Well it's 5:00 here and I still haven't had a shower yet today so better run because we have a dinner date with Donna and Morgan at 6:30.

AND I'M FREE, FREE FALLING

WOW, that one little lyric from Tom Petty is exactly how I feel this glorious Saturday morning!

 I quit my job yesterday which if I'm truly honest, I should have done a year ago. I was just determined that I could stick out whatever changes they threw at me, I was too stubborn to see that it was eating away at my self worth just little by little and so I stayed.  I've never been a quitter and certainly had never left a job because I "couldn't" do the work but I'm learning as I get older that comprising yourself doesn't get you anywhere.  It's certainly a "What Have You Done For Me Today" world and quite frankly I was exhausted.  I started having panic attacks every morning before getting dressed to leave for work and it's just not worth it.  I thought after the bank failed that nothing worse could happen to me in my career path but it did.  I'm not putting all the blame on the bank because Mark's constant travel and my own ability to deal with life factored in as well.  But at some point, I realized that I no longer had a career just a job and one that realistically, I hated.  There were a couple of last straw moments over the last 2 months including being told that I was overstaffed so we again cut my staff to 3 1/2 people, I was told that it was not a security issue to leave 2 people alone in the branch while I went out on officer calls to find new business, took away sick and vacation hours from an employee that's been there over 10 years because I had to reduce her hours because of my over staffing and finally yesterday requiring that I force my hourly staff (of which there are 3 1/2) to attend an after hours event without compensation.  So when Mark called to say  signed his contract for our move yesterday, I carried my happy, little heiny down to turn in my resignation letter as quickly as I could.  And yes, I did it at the "event" and she actually had the nerve to ask if I was now staying at the event to represent the bank.  Not only NO but HELL NO Lady!  I just smiled sweetly and said no then I walked away.  They will decide on Monday if they want me to work out my 2 week notice so think I'll stop by the bank Sunday afternoon and clean out my office. I feel like this huge black cloud has lifted and I can finally breathe again.  The tightness in my chest is gone and I really hate leaving the ladies in the branch but I had to get out before it killed me.  Even if we weren't moving, I still had to get out.

Ok now for the Germany move news....we have a signed contract, a nice new car but still no place to live.  I think we're going to move over middle June and stay in a hotel while I find us somewhere to live.  Clarice is very excited about it and even has a new harness, leash and toys for her new adventure.  There is still so much for me to get done here to start this process but at least I have a path forward, no job stressing me out and hopefully more time to "get 'er done" now.

I'm a busy, busy woman today.  I have dinner plans with my BFF Donna tonight so a dinner of fine wine and pasta is in order.  Oh yeah and Morgan's coming too....just kidding Morgie, you know you are a welcome addition to The Donnas because you are the only man strong enough to bodily carry us out to the car after too much fine wine!  Poor guy since Mark's still overseas, Morgie has to deal with us all alone. 

And I'm going prim shopping with my new friend Barbara in like 2 hours.  We're going up into the Georgia mountains to hit some shops we've both been to separately and share our love of prims.  Now anything I buy will have to be small enough to box up and take with me or it'll have to stay here at the house.  I'm thinking small enough to pack will be my choice because after all, I'll be furnishing an entire new home over there. 

Lastly, I wanted to share a couple of pictures that Mark took last week in Germany while he was scouting out a possible apartment for us.  Now you know you've trained him correctly when he sends these pics and asks for permission to buy that carpenter table.  I told him Yes, Yes because I so can see that as his new desk at home.  Isn't it just gorgeous?  Ok that's it for now because I must shower and get ready for my adventures.  Hope everyone has a lovely Mother's Day!